October 31, Fruit Bats

Happy Halloween!

I miss Hocus Pocus! And pumpkins! And costumes! To be honest, I even miss the soon-to-come Christmas decorations. I just love Halloween, Thanksgiving, my birthday, and Christmas--so this is a great stretch of time for me. October through December provides great excitement!

That reminds me: Three weeks until I'm 23! Crazy. I have no idea where I'll be on my birthday...or if I'll be able to have any of the gluten-free cake mix my mom sent. That'd be so great!

The roosters outside Glenn's house woke me up early and I wasn't able to sleep well in general, so I was extra lethargic today. I spent most of the day researching etymology (I'm a dork) and reading the Amber Spyglass. I also sat in the sun for a little bit today and this evening we walked down to see the fruit bats living in Glenn's village. It was very cool to see. They're extremely loud and hang shockingly close together on the papaya and pine trees around here. They were flying around even though it wasn't dark out yet--and screeching quite loudly. They're very yellow in color and have chihuahua faces, and there were hundreds of them hanging in the trees and swarming the air. Kind of a fun spook-takular activity for Halloween!

Anyway, overall today was a better day than yesterday health-wise. I had been getting steadily worse since Friday, but I seem to be stalling the down-hill spiral. I'm not sure if that's really "progress", but I'll take any improvement over how I felt yesterday! I'm hoping eventually I'll actually start feeling healthy and keeping more food and water down, but for now I'm just happy that I'm able to sit up as I write this!

October 30, Laying Around

Today I did a little bit of laundry since I was running low on certain items. I originally only packed for a week of travel, so being gone for two weeks is a bit more of a stretch. I'm still not feeling well enough  to do much of anything, so I've been laying on Glenn's couch. Lately my nausea has been pretty intense, so even sitting is usually overly unpleasant. To resolve this, I am switching protein powder types and continuing my probiotics--I hope that helps things improve. My body isn't happy with me at all, but I really am hoping things change over the next two weeks. Being sick for months is pretty frustrating, but I'm hoping there is light at the end of the tunnel.

The medical office (OMS) in Washington, DC is okay with me continuing service for now, but will medically separate me if I don't get better. I'm really happy I'm getting the chance to resolve my health issues! I was worried they might freak-out about the fainting spell I had and cut my service short, but for now I'm still being given leeway. I'm very thankful for that.

So far there's no timeline on when I need to get better by, nor what "better" really means. Dr. Makwabe also doesn't really seem to be sure what will qualify me as too unhealthy to serve, so I guess I just need to focus on getting better for now, and worry about medical separation should I get to that point. It's just hard not to wonder what would lead them to pull the plug. I suspect it has to do with weight, but I'm not sure.

These next couple of weeks are going to be an interesting sort of limbo-land, but I'm trying to enjoy myself as much as possible.  It's great to see Glenn and Hannah, and I also think being back in Dar next weekend will be nice. Leah's house is ridiculously nice, and I enjoy being in an urban environment. Electricity is fun! Although, it's funny to me that it's such a big deal to lose power in the US for a couple hours. I lived in a site with NO electricity to be found. People here do it their entire lives. Even when I am in Lushoto, my banking town, our power cuts out all the time. Last night it went out for a number of hours, though it's back today. People in the US don't know how good they have it. If there's one thing I've learned, it's to appreciate what you have---especially the simple things. I also now recognize a lot of conveniences as superfluous, but I will admit that luxuries like western toilets and hot showers are very nice to have. When I do wind up back in the States, doing laundry in a machine is going to be awesome, but I don't mind doing it by hand, either. Having a fridge will be great, but I also know how to cook single serve meals. It's all in how you look at things.

Nonetheless, not having a site/having health issues does make things feel weird right now. My mind has a lot of down time and room to wander. But I try to keep myself from indulging negative or worrisome thinking, and instead think about the good things in my life. I have good friends, family, and staff behind me. For now I'm still keeping my optimism up! I can get through this! As my mom's friend Sarah said, I am "Super Jedi"!

October 29, To Glennifer's House We Go

I can't believe that it's almost November! Time really flies! It's crazy to think of winter coming back home when it's so hot outside right now, though nights in Lushoto do get quite chilly! I got adjusted to Dar's heat, so the cool nights here haven't been my favorite...at least I don't have to deal with Hurricane Sandy, though! Good luck to you all back on the East Coast!

Anyway, Tony, the owner of Lawns, gave us a ride to Glenn's house this morning. It was super nice, but something atypical for him to do as far as I can tell. Tony is Greek, but was raised here in Tanzania. He seems to have family located in a lot of places. His sisters live in Australia and his brother lives in Morogoro, but I'm not sure about everybody else. He's big into soccer, has a long white-haired ponytail, and fairly ruddy complexion. His Land Rover is 17 years old and is covered with uncouth bumper stickers. A.K.A. "Perfect Woman: Nymphomaniac with a Liquor Store." He's a very interesting man, and him giving us a ride out all the way out here was very sweet. I think he is just concerned that I'm not feeling well, and wanted to make sure I made it to Glenn's house okay. Regardless, it was a very nice gesture, and I'm glad we didn't have to pay for a cab.

In any case, this weekend wasn't a good one for me health-wise, nor has today been going very well so far. I am hoping I start feeling better soon, but as of right now I'm just laying on Glenn's couch and sipping Hibiscus tea now and then. I started the probiotics and protein powder on Saturday, but I'm not sure how long it will take for those to start working. I really hope my health starts going back uphill rather than continuing on this down-hill trend. I am really excited for IST and our PCV "Prom", so that's giving me something to look forward to.

Right now I'm waiting for Hannah to stop by. She lives very to Glenn's site and has finished her teaching and lesson planning for the day. Glenn has a busy week of tree planting and American-voyage preparation, and he's going out shortly to do some work on his tree nursery. I think I'll be spending a lot of time reading this week--glad I have my kindle! I also hope to fiddle around with his guitar a bit--it's cute and travel sized as it's made for a student rather than an adult. I'd recommend such a thing for future PCVs who have any sort of musical inclination. That, or a ukelele. It's nice to have something to do here that doesn't require electricity or the company of other people.

October 28, Halloween Was a Success!

So, our Halloween gathering was quite the hit! I had fun in my Little Merjade costume--it came out GREAT. I was totally amongst friends so it was okay that my costume was something you'd never wear out and about in TZ. (It is very safe here at Lawns in general, so it was the perfect place for a costume party.) In fact, there were no problems of any sort last night aside from a couple of us just not feeling super well. It was just a fun time with friends, so that was really nice. Cake and brownies were made and eaten for the occasion, and we were given some free wine by the owner Tony. I definitely can't drink anything aside from water and tea right now, but I still had a lot of fun. I'm really happy the PC let me come back to Lushoto for the weekend--I needed to see my people!

Ezra and I danced to "Gangnam Style", which was fun, but completely depleted whatever energy I had remaining post-fainting spell. I made it a couple more songs before sitting down and then eventually wound up going back to my room to lay down. I can't wait to be active and healthy again!! Normally I can dance for hours, but I just really haven't been feeling well enough to do anything physical.

I'm hanging in Lushoto today. I decided to stay here until tomorrow morning. I'll head to Glenn's site tomorrow. I may go out and do something soon because I'm getting a little stir-crazy. Fresh air is in order one way or another I think!

October 27, Market Blackout (Round 2)

So, today hasn't been optimal health-wise. I didn't do well yesterday in terms of holding things down and ended up getting extremely dehydrated. I started "operation-rehydration" this morning, but apparently it was a little too late. I picked up my packages (two arrived! probiotics!) and then went to help Ezra pick out some gifts for his friends back home. As we were looking at fabrics I suddenly realized I was going to faint, and for the second time in the Lushoto market, I blacked-out. Fortunately after regaining my consciousness and vision, I was given a ride back to Lawns by the owner, Tony, who had his car at the bank. I spent the remainder of my day hanging at Lawns in my hotel room. Hannah made beautiful Halloween decorations and I finished my Little Merjade costume. We made a play-list and I rested. We are having a small Halloween celebration/goodbye party for Ezra. It should be really nice!

Anyway, I am very happy I finally have my long-awaited package full of canned protein, probiotics, and protein powder. Hopefully things will start improving and this plan will work! I really just want to be healthy! So far today I've been just trying to rehydrate as much as I can. We will see how things go. Chronic sickness is not fun in any way, nor is it fun to freak out a bunch of Tanzanians by fainting in front of their duka. But I'm optimistic and hoping I'll see some turn-around within the next two weeks! Wish me luck!

October 25, Good News!!

I have been calling various people and chatting on FB, so I'm going to present today in short-form. I received a lot of info--mostly good--about what is happening. I had a meeting with the country director, EB, who gave me a lot of answers! She's a total sweetheart. She reminds me a lot of my mom's friend Joan, who I consider a second mother. Talking to her was very comforting, even though the topic at hand is serious. She's great.

• 1) I will be going to Lushoto tomorrow, as I wanted! I'm hoping to pick up my package this weekend, but as of this morning it still wasn't there. Makes me nervous that it won't be there, but I'll be in Lushoto until next Friday, so it's bound to arrive by then I think. I JUST REALLY NEED THAT PROTEIN POWDER AND THOSE SUPPLEMENTS! Otherwise, I'm kind of stuck in the sick-and-never-improving-boat. ALSO, I get to see my Lusho-crew! It's Ezra's last weekend! It should be a good time! 
• I will be spending my time at Glenn's house, so I'll be able to cook for myself and maybe write some songs with him. :) I bought a guitar today for 50,000 shillings from another volunteer who is now an RPCV. The neck is slightly cracked, which is why she sold it to me so cheaply. (An acoustic guitar for $32?!....I'm okay with a little crack. It still sounds quite nice!) 
• Hilda, my APCD, will be looking for a replacement site. It should have easy access to fruits and vegetables, and hopefully protein. I should be going to that site in around two weeks. So basically, it breaks down like this: Next week I will be in Lushoto. The week after that I will be back in Dar, staying here at Leah's house. The week after that I will be at my NEW site. 
• My new headmaster/headmistress will be informed that I am not doing well physically, and that things may not work out. So there isn't pressure there, and they should know that I'm coming in with a medical condition. 
• If I am not getting better, I ultimately can 'pull the plug' on staying here. The PCMOs also have discretion to suggest that I be medically evacuated or medically separated. Nonetheless, there are options like "interrupted service", so I could potentially come back even if such a decision is made. I'm not there yet, so I'm not going to worry about such things until I get there. BUT, basically I have a lot of say in the process of what happens next, which is really nice. I'm not the kind of person to give in, so it will take a lot for me to call it quits, but the option is there if I need it. Hopefully I make a quick turn around, but if I don't, my options aren't just one big dead end. Or so they say for now! 
• I will be getting all my things from site next Friday (November 2nd). Hopefully it is all still there! 
• OMS doesn't consider me the kind of person who is just trying to get out of service, but unable to admit that's whats behind my illness. EB also seems to really think I'm a solid volunteer-- I feel really good about that.

In short, I'm in a much better place than I thought I was! I'm still in limbo, but not horribly lost. I have a timeline of when things will be happening, and I am being reassigned a site. Basically it's just a question of whether or not my health improves. I am bound and determined to get better, and I hope I will be able to lead a sustainable life here. I am SO happy that I talked to our country director (CD), and I'm excited to go to Lushoto tomorrow! It's going to be great! Little merjade live in action! 

October 24, Mlola will no longer be "Home"

Today I woke up and had a nice chat with Jarrett, the South African who is staying in Leah's house (my ex-pat) until December. He is a visiting artist who works with her. The house is decorated with a lot of cool ocean-prints and portraits, so she seems to be a good artist on top of being a diplomat. I also met a friend of hers who does projects out in Lushoto--good contact to make! I just got back to her house now--it's about 7:30 pm. I had a really hard time finding the place in the dark. I took a bajaj (three-wheeled motorcycle taxi of sorts) and he looped around a couple times before we identified the correct house. It's hard to tell what's what in this neighborhood because everything is fenced in with security guards, but I actually did remember the right house! I just wasn't positive I remembered right...I guess I just need to trust my instincts!

I spent most of the day with some of the other COS'ers at an RPCV's house. He had a HUGE TV, mini-gym, AC, fridge, and so on. Colin and Mike (the two people I spent most of the day with) played a lot of video games. Super safi house! Being an ex-pat really means you get to live in style. In any case, I enjoyed myself this afternoon. Socially anyway. I've given up on my body making things easy. I also did a little bit of shopping--RETAIL THERAPY!

By the way, RPCV's are Returned Peace Corps Volunteers--so basically everyone here this week will be getting that title at one point or another.

Anyway, they still haven't been able to find the medicine I need for my ear in any of the pharmacies around here. I'm hoping tomorrow they'll have it in the office for me since I spent half the day with my ear feeling like it was underwater. The tube isn't working correctly, so my hearing has been cut in half on the right side, and sometimes it feels like I'm on an airplane or in a swimming pool. Other times I just don't hear properly.

Anyway, bigger news:

I found out that the two other teachers in Mlola have left my school as they don't feel safe. The police don't seem to be doing much, and my site will no longer be my site. I'm happy in the sense that I don't want to go back to an unsafe place, but I'm pretty bummed out that things didn't work out there. I love my mkuu and her nieces, I was finally getting established in the town, and I was SUPER excited about my library project. I've been putting a lot of time into my house, and I've spent money on furniture, in addition to building a strong rapport with many of my students. I also love being near Lushoto, and I really don't want to change banking towns or be far away from my Lusho-crew. Hopefully I'll find out soon where I'll be staying and for how long. The issue is that I may be medically separated, so they aren't going to find a site for me until I am medically cleared. Unfortunately, my package still hasn't arrived, so I'm kind of waiting idly for my protein powder and probiotic supplements. I'm not sure how much time I have to get better, nor whether I'll be in Dar or staying with another volunteer, so I'm very much in limbo-land. Despite this, I feel pretty good about things. I had a lot of fun today, and I'm trying to see this week as a kind of mini-vacation. It's nice not to have to work while feeling sick, and I'm enjoying my time here despite all the tumultuous stuff that's happening. I'm staying as positive as I can. I think I have a good chance of sticking through things and making it all two years, but I also know I have a good chance of being sent back home. Really I'm not sure which is more likely yet....I'm trying not to speculate for now, and instead focusing on enjoying my time here while it lasts, but it is a pretty serious spot to be stuck in....

I must say it does feel like the Tanga curse is taking hold again. I can feel the ice getting thinner below my feet. I am glad that the staff are very kind and helpful, though. I can tell they really do care, and that's nice. On the other hand, it is hard to be in such a weird place right now. I'm just trying to roll with it, but it's especially difficult since I'm also dealing with the fact that my bf and my friend Brittany won't be coming back to TZ. The Lushoto team is dwindling fast it seems--especially since Ezra is COS'ing next week. (CONGRATS TO A SURVIVOR OF THE TANGA REGION!) But hopefully things will pan out in the end--one way or another. Maybe I'll get healthy and be put in a nice, new site that's close to lot's of good food I can eat! That would be ideal. But I'm also acceptant of the fact that if my body doesn't start getting better, it is important for me to go back to the states and get help. I'm trying not to panic or freak out, and I'm staying level-headed for now. Hopefully I'll be able to keep up the positivity--so wish me well I guess?

I honestly would just like to be healthy. Being sick is exhausting. And dehydration and poor nutrition are definitely taking a toll on me. It's hard to refuse food from the host country nationals, and it's also unfortunate that I can't really eat out and celebrate COSing with the other PCVs while here in Dar. Food is a big deal socially! And it is nice to go out with everyone, but it does suck I can't order along with them.

In short, I really like being in Tanzania, and I want to volunteer all 24 months. I think I'm good at lesson planning and I'm getting better at teaching. I think my Swahili will improve, and I'm getting more comfortable socializing and dealing with feelings of personal space invasion. I guess it all depends on how quickly my body improves, though. My health will determine if I'm able to keep volunteering here realistically. I know there's no point in being in TZ if I'm deteriorating into a stick figure, so the question really is: Will I get better here, and how long will it take?

Also...how long will the PC give me?