November 10, Separation Reflections

Yesterday I received the Office of Medical Service (OMS)'s final decision regarding my ability to stay in Tanzania, and ultimately, to keep serving as a volunteer.

I went in to the PC office at about 8:00 to meet Ezra. His flight was at 4:00 in the afternoon, so we agreed to go along with another COS'er to the Mwenge market to buy some last minute gifts. I couldn't find Dr. Makwabe, and I figured I'd probably have to wait until Tuesday to find out much anyway, so we left a little before nine. While on the bus, I received a phone call from Makwabe asking if I could come in. I explained that I was already on my way to town, and asked if I could hear the news over the phone. The PC office closes at 11:30 on Fridays, so it wasn't like I could easily just come in after lunch, and I wanted to hear whatever news he had for me as soon as possible.

I found out that I have been officially medically separated. They did not grant my request to be medically evacuated, though I'm not sure why. The country director is going to try and check-in on what led them to such a decision, though ultimately any further appeal I make probably won't go very far at this point.

I was pretty disappointed to hear that they aren't going to give me 45 days to get better in the states, which would have been the case if I was medically evacuated rather than medically separated. Medical separation means that I will no longer be continuing my service as a Peace Corps volunteer. Once I am sent home, the only real possibility of coming back is if I appeal for "medical reinstatement" once my health improves. I'm not sure if I will take that option, though the country director did encourage me to do so if I'm physically-fit to finish my service.

Although I'm disappointed by the harshness of the decision, I am very happy to no longer be stuck in a state of limbo. My primary focus now is getting my health back, and then figuring out what my next big step will be. I'm looking into graduate schools, job postings, Americorps teaching fellowships, etc. I've actually been handling everything pretty well mentally and emotionally--rolling with the punches if you will. It is disappointing that my service is ending, but there are many other opportunities out there yet to be discovered. I know that I will find a new, meaningful path once my health is better. So, in short, I'm dealing pretty well with the whole thing. I'm keeping a level-head and just focusing on what matters most right now: my health!

Being in the Peace Corps has been a wonderful experience, and I'm sad I won't be able to continue volunteering, but I won't forget the personal lessons I've learned throughout my time here. I also plan on keeping in touch with the wonderful people that I've met here, and I do hope to reinstate or at least come back to visit in the future.  I know that I will always be part of a strong, cohesive network of caring, passionate PCVs, and I am so thankful that I got to spend five months in this beautiful country. I learned a lot about myself and my ability to push through adverse circumstances. I have learned to be more patient, adaptable,  perseverant, and laid-back. Moreover, I now know more about what direction I'd like my life to go in, and I have come to acknowledge the importance of taking my dietary needs into account when making life decisions.

In a weird way, the universe gave me an off-ramp when my site was pulled. I would feel terrible if I had to tell my mkuu I wasn't staying at her school for medical reasons. I felt very close to my mkuu, and her nieces were like younger sisters to me. My mkuu was always very afraid I'd be sent back to the US because of the other PCVs in my region who had been sent home for medical reasons, and I honestly tried as hard as I humanly could to make sure I stayed by her side.

Although it can hardly be considered a good thing, it does weigh easier on my conscious to know that I couldn't go back to site even if I was 100% healthy. My mkuu was brutally attacked on her way back from church, an event that cannot be taken lightly. For safety's sake, she has been forced to transfer schools, meaning that she will no longer have a presence at Mlongwema Secondary School. Unfortunately, it's not safe to be at the school for my colleagues and me, either. I feel terrible for my students who no longer have anyone to teach them all thanks to the actions of a group of heartless men. I just hope that the government manages to find a new mkuu by January, and that the teachers resume their duties or otherwise get replaced as quickly as possible. Nobody is quite sure why the attack occurred (it was possibly religion-based, or might have had to do with the school administration), but it is extremely unfortunate that the school has basically been abandoned. I wish I could help my students, because they are truly eager and excited to learn, and it seems like a huge travesty for nobody to be there to teach them. My school was already short-staffed, but 3 teachers were better than none. It's very disheartening to know that my students have even less chance of success now, all because of some sort of personal vendetta against my headmistress.

Regardless, the silver-lining of this tragedy is that I am leaving this country and ending my service, but not abandoning my site for medical reasons. I had to leave my site for my own personal safety, there's no doubt about it. I can rest easily knowing that I truly fought to stay here. I have faced a number of adverse challenges over the past several months, but stayed as strong as possible and continued teaching despite the obstacles that kept coming my way. I have pushed, and would have continued to push, to stay, but ultimately being here is just no longer an option. In truth, I am glad to be going home to see a doctor, and I think it is important that I focus on getting healthy. I am reaching a point where it is physically unsafe for me to be here, and I really am looking forward to getting some medical answers and hopefully some medical help!

I appreciate all the support I have gotten and continue to receive! I hope that everyone understands that this has been a long, arduous road safety-wise and physically, but ultimately I'm optimistic about what the future will bring.