November 5, Denial & Inventory

Last night I couldn't sleep well, but I did manage to finally crash at 3:00 am and stay in bed until 9:00 this morning. I slept in my fuzzy frog PJs. It was great, and impressive since Dar is by no means a cool place to be. Go electric ceiling fans!

I finished the (revised) body-journal that I've been working on. My original journal got wet and partly ruined. Since I had to re-write things to make my notes legible and coherent, I decided to track the weekly differences I've been experiencing in terms of symptoms, food intake, water intake, etc. It was interesting to see what has gotten "better" and what has gotten "worse". Overall, last week the only positive improvement was that I drank an average of 29 oz of water, which was higher than all of the previous weeks. On the negative side of things, I ate less food on average this week and also had more severe symptoms more often. I think it will be helpful to keep using this sort of thing in the future to see which symptoms are getting better and which are getting worse. Maybe I'll discover some discernible cause-and-effect information! OR, maybe the probiotics will work their magic, and I'll be healthy as a horse in no time. The latter would be nice, but so far how I'm feeling today isn't making that seem overly likely. Frustrating!

Anyway, it rained on my walk over to the PC office. It wasn't bad because it was warm outside and I had an umbrella. Plus, it was good to stretch my legs. Makwabe called me on my way over, so I told him I'd stop into the office. Much to my surprise, they wanted to do more blood work. Apparently the office in Washington D.C. is pretty concerned about things, and it didn't help that last week I got sicker. While I've recovered from the downward spiral, I am still not doing well, which I was upfront about. I've been taking the following approach with my health: not downplaying, not exaggerating, just reporting the facts as I experience them. I'm doing so in the hopes that I'll get the optimal amount of help, while also being able to continue staying here.

In any case, depending on the blood-work results, I may get more information about what happens next. Regardless, Dr. Makwabe said that if I haven't improved by Thursday, that I'll likely be getting medically separated. I'm still a little unclear what the qualifications are for improvement, but I'll find out very shortly--and hopefully be able to argue for medical evacuation before being officially removed from service. I've kind of been in denial about the whole thing since I have a feeling 3 days isn't really enough time to get better, but still am hopeful things will turn-around suddenly. It's too early to know what will happen, but it's hard not to speculate and feel the pressures of realism pushing down on my brain. There are multiple possible outcomes to this week, however, so it is too early to really know what's coming next.

For now, it seems that there is a strong possibility I will be on a plane to South Africa or Maine early next week. Which, I'm not sure, but I have a feeling I'll be flying somewhere.

In any case, I helped the PC office figure out what they're sending back to Brittany, and then worked on my own heap of luggage. They left most of my stuff from site in one of the PC cars until today, so I went through my things to describe what items were in what bag. I took some items out of the bags that I want to take home with me should I be medically separated, such as my hot pots and khangas. I also left instructions of who to give things to should my service come to a premature close. It was emotionally really weird, and I'm still just really in denial about things. It doesn't seem possible that I could be gone this time next week!! I hope I stick it through, but I am trying to accept that going back home has its merits. Good medical care, good family care, and good food/medicine availability. I'm still arguing to PC that I should be medically evacuated, not medically separated. Either way, if I end up on a plane next week, I will be seeing a gastroenterologist when I disembark!

Anyway, keep wishing me luck! (I need it-I broke a mirror today.) If I do end up stateside, I know I won't be hopeless. There are many options and opportunities out there--I just really do love being here, being a volunteer, and teaching. But, I suppose for now I'll focus on my health!